I miss blogging every night.I really used to enjoy getting my thoughts straight and recording our days.Here we are again and weeks have gone by without posting.Our evenings have changed and we have found a kind of rhythm that works for us but I still haven't got back into sitting down each night to blog.To be honest I have started a couple of posts and then found that I couldn't put into words the thoughts and feelings I was having so I saved to draft and hoped to come back when my head was clearer!!Needless to say I have just spent time deleting the muddled posts.Not too sure why I haven't been able to get it out and written down .I hope this isn't destined to be another half finished attempt.
I have been mulling over the last 20 months since we took Emily out of school. This whole journey has been about so much more than just swapping school for another way to educate Emily.It has always been about finding a lifestyle that would enable us to live and learn with freedom, where learning was not separated from living,where Emily could learn at her own pace, in her own way, to enable her to shine and for her particular talents to emerge without being nipped in the bud by the system or for that matter by us,however well intentioned we are it is so easy to try to steer her in another direction,to think we know best what she needs.We aim to open the world up to her,(metaphorically of course, we do have a tight budget ;-o) but accept if she isn't keen on any particular journey,because it might just be that journey is more important to us than it actually is for her at that time.To set aside any expectations and dreams we may have had for her future, to enable her to make and live her own dreams.Emily being Emily meant the normal methods of school and parenting were not cutting the mustard ;-) I feel as though we have come such a long way from the start of our home ed journey,we have all grown and the things that were important to us have probably become even more so.It has been quite an intense period,evaluating how we live and the parenting strategies we use,letting go of other peoples expectations and creating a way of living that is peaceful and respectful.I have read so many books websites and blogs with advice on how to achieve the kind of relationship we want to have as a family and I think it has taken time to digest this info and to filter the things that I feel can work for us.In our relationship, as with many I am sure, I tend to do all the research then pass on the nuggets to Al and have a chat about it before moving forward.Parenting in a different way to the parenting you received takes a whole lot of effort before it becomes a natural process because in stressful situations we fall back into auto response.My parents did the best they could . I believe there is a better way and I aim to find one.I have always liked something I heard many years ago and it helps me to accept my mistakes in life and the mistakes others have made that affected me " when we know better we can do better",( Edited to add, just found out it is a Maya Anjelu quote)we don't always know better but when we do I believe we should try to do better.We have come a long way,we now see learning in every aspect of life and I very rarley find myself thinking how educational something will be and buy things or go on trips because I think Emily will enjoy them not because she might "learn" something.We still have a way to go and are by no means perfect but the life we are creating feels good,it's good to do things that create joy.
As a family we have our own particular challenges to making things work, as tiredness plays such a large part in my life it is hard to find a balance.Exhaustion does mean that some days are pretty difficult but I aim to do the best I can and move on without too much self criticism, in the hope that the next day will be better. I have been attending a weekly group meeting organised by the NHS for Chronic Fatigue/ME.Over 8 weeks we have been learning about Mindfulness, living in the moment and how it can help living with pain and fatigue.I have also continued on the hypnotherapy course I started in May which includes meditation,positive affirmation and visualisation.So all in all there has been a great deal of information for me to take on board.Mindfulness is not just useful for those of us living with illness, to be fully present in the moment when we are going about our daily lives can have a major impact on anybodies health and state of mind.
Emily has been going through a phase of hibernation after a growth spurt( she has grown a lot, we just got some tops and jeans from tesco today and she is in the 12/13age size!!) so there has not been too much happening to blog.Milly has been complaining about pains in her legs and ankles and general pain all over.I had thought these were growing pains and after a visit for some Cranial osteopathy this was confirmed.Her tendons have not caught up to her bone growth and that is causing the pains in her body and almost constant headaches because of the muscles in her neck.Judith also tried a new technique she had just learnt, which is good for children who did not take their first breath on their own when they were born and were on a ventilator.It is said to release tension held in the cellular memory.This can have great benefits both physically and emotionally.Alongside a Homeopathic remedy she is back on form and we are more likely to be doing blog worthy activities ;-)